In a last-ditch effort to attract voters in Pennsylvania,  Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton yesterday promised to return all the White House furniture and artifacts that she and Bill stole as they left after his last term as U.S. President.

“If you elect me, I pledge,” Hillary said to an audience in Philadelphia, “to return all the furniture we took from the White House when Bill finished his second term.”

To an apoplectic crowd of life-long suporters, she said “electing me will save our country $62 million in returned artifacts and furniture.  It will help us bring down our national debt and balance our budget.”

She then added that she would “institute an historical tax of 60% on those Americans who keep their ‘Americana’ momentos,” but hinted at an amnesty for those, like her, who returned everything their ancestors owned if they gave them back to the government.  “I believe in amnesty, not for immigrants mind you, but I believe in foregiveness,” she declared to a cheering audience.

“We have to start thinking, not of ‘me,’ but of ‘us’,” she said, perhaps one moving-van late.

Interupted by one irrascible Reublican, who asked whether she had listed the value of the stolen furniture on her tax returns, Hillary shouted, “you’ll never get to rent a room in my White House!”

She then declared that, “As your president, I promise that for $50 my supporters can take turns ringing the ‘Liberty Bell’ – and I will never take it home!”

Alan Bromley